Some Thoughts On Our Miscarriage
For those of you who follow me on Instagram or know me personally, you know that the end of March was difficult for us. We suffered a miscarriage that we were devasted to learn about. The baby passed at 9 weeks and we found out at 11 weeks. There are two dates that will forever be burned in my mind: March 29th, 2017 - we went in for an emergency D&C as my body lost way too much blood. And a date that has not come yet: October 15th, 2017 was our due date.
As a Christian, I know that my baby is in heaven and he is interceding on my behalf. His first steps were on perfect ground, and I know that brings me great joy. But I miss him.
I know people mean well when they say "at least you were early" - but that doesn't change anything - it was still a devastating loss. Upon seeing two pink lines on our pregnancy test, we immediately dreamt what our family of 5 would look like - and those dreams came crashing down pretty quickly upon the news of a missed miscarriage.
I share this with you all because I firmly believe that every life should be celebrated. Every single day is a gift with our little ones, and if you've suffered a loss before - you are not alone.
Our little one in heaven is named Matthias Joseph, and I ask him to pray for me often, as I know he is in the arms of my God. He'll never forget his momma, and I'll never forget him.
So if you're currently dealing with miscarriage, I want to encourage you in a couple of things:
Name your child. Even if you don't know the gender, if you have a strong feeling it's a girl or boy - go with that. Choose a gender neutral name if you'd like - but having a name to my baby has been so good for my healing.
Consider burying your child. Reach out to local cemetaries and see if they offer burials for unborn children. Our local Catholic cemetary does burials for unborn children for free - and that is such a gift for greiving mothers to have a resting place for their child. Not to mention, having a place to visit and leave flowers is such a gift to me.
Let people in. It's so hard to do this because you feel like no one will ever understand or miss your baby as much as you, and that is okay. You are the mom, and you will feel that loss so much more deeply than anyone else - but still let others in. Let them love you through this however you feel comfortable. Dinners, flowers, coffee drop offs - they all are such beautiful reflections of love during a devasting time. So let people in.
There is no right way to grieve. Don't feel obligated to dwell in the sadness for months to prove you loved your child - and don't feel like you have to hurry through your grief to prove you're okay. Take your time - there is no right amount of time for grief.
Talk about it. Miscarriage isn't anything to be ashamed of - and if anything it has shaped me to be a better mom and friend. I even think it has given me a new perspective to my photography because, truly, every single moment should be cherished.
Every life is a gift - whether it's planned or unplanned. Every life should be cherished, and it is my honor to photograph so many families as they welcome a new life. I pray for all my mommas often, and I hope that you can see my love through every photo.